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    "result": {"data":{"sanityArticle":{"title":"Communicating with your partner in the perinatal period  ","_type":"article","datePublished":"5 September 2023","header":{"background":{"value":"#E1F9F7"},"headline":"Communicating with your partner in the perinatal period  ","text":[{"_key":"9e95da86b03c","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"04b884ad98530","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Becoming parents can feel really challenging. You may find your usual styles of communicating and supporting each other don’t work as well as they used to."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"image":{"asset":{"_id":"image-0e998a94c78f1e4f4be30b9e7f277b8c5206dcec-1200x630-png"},"crop":null,"hotspot":null,"alt":"Mum and dad cuddling baby looking happy"}},"content":[{"_key":"b129559e8650","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"29010a4c96350","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"From partners to parents"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"h4"},{"_key":"669ffce78f37","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"0be60bf138180","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"The transition from being partners to becoming parents can feel really challenging. It’s normal to experience relationship stress during the transition to parenthood. You may find your usual styles of communicating and supporting each other don’t work as well as they used to. It takes time and commitment from both partners when you’re adjusting to life as parents."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"fe0339be912a","_type":"quote","quote":"I found it difficult to understand what she did need. Often it was just to be listened to."}],"sidebarTitle":"Helpful Information","sidebarPosts":[{"title":"Managing relationships: guide for dads","_type":"article","slug":{"current":"managing-relationships-guide-for-dads"},"header":{"image":{"asset":{"_id":"image-5f5ae58e9ef6cd0fceb5beab711466ea7463645c-3840x2160-jpg"},"crop":null,"hotspot":null,"alt":"Dad kissing baby"},"text":[{"_key":"bbd9a074e940","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"e7ac3c0d382c0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Here are some ways to stay connected and still find time to look after yourself too."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]}}],"modules":[{"_key":"6bd571937d9f","_type":"faqBlock","include":null,"title":"Reconnecting with your partner after baby comes home ","noNumbers":true,"text":[{"_key":"d30c4ed14f07","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"9345a2af9dc80","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Welcoming a baby into your family can provide opportunities to bond with your partner in new ways as you share the highs and lows of parenthood."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"questions":[{"question":[{"_key":"5bdb85e30c21","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"b52d021920960","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Schedule time to have important discussions."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"22d3fb2fe7f3","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"f7b68333b75d0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Often there’s no ideal time to discuss the big issues, so make a regular time to prioritise discussions and prepare what you want to say."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"e72ffa893f47","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"2793184450cf0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Carve out some alone time."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"ae192f42d90f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"153658582e8e0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Taking time to yourself can help you feel more positive and energised, making it easier to have productive conversations with your partner."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"e6605245dce8","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"52472505e7180","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Have an occasional ‘date night’."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"0a9479a0945e","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"e8d61a83b1350","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"You don’t necessarily need to leave home to do this - just sitting down and having a meal together and watching a movie or favourite show with kids in bed can be considered a ‘date’."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"7895785377c0","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"fe18b5eba2ab0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Find new ways to connect and be affectionate in a non-sexual way."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"97f5c938b51b","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"202afa1054c60","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Birth recovery, mental health challenges and lack of energy can impact your libido and physical connection with each other. Sleep deprivation can also take a toll on your sex life. It’s a good idea to start small and simple when re-connecting with your partner. You might enjoy giving each other mini massages (hand, neck or foot), sharing a cuddle, or taking a walk together, holding hands and chatting about your day. Intimacy can take many forms, and often these little day to day moments together can help you and your partner to strengthen a foundation of trust, desire, and connection in your relationship. "}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"25e5723538da","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"b3f6040f17d10","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Keep talking to each other."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"33b48a0c9c33","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"63daeae859b20","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Keep talking to each other about your intimacy needs (like physical and verbal affection and sex) and how you’re feeling. Together you can explore new ways to express love and affection if there’s less time or desire for sex."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"b39844835727","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"59d5d5d043270","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Be your partner's biggest champion."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"ab0e9dc51780","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"c9692b198b9b0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Thanking each other and letting the other know what a great job they’re doing and how much you appreciate them can really strengthen your connection."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]}]},{"_key":"e83ee9d85dbf","_type":"faqBlock","include":null,"title":"Positive approaches to communication with your partner","noNumbers":true,"text":null,"questions":[{"question":[{"_key":"1d09305eb8e9","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"b495dfbc14c6","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Practice empathy and understanding. "}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":null},{"question":[{"_key":"8fcaa8ba34b2","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"06bdb2c5e447","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Be open and honest and encourage your partner to do the same."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":null},{"question":[{"_key":"92e69225d1db","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"f31c51d3f15e","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Help each other to problem solve."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":null},{"question":[{"_key":"ae31669e4800","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"ece53ba3b09b","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Agree on a mutual balance of essential tasks"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"7629ce2a3333","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"15afbdc43b24","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"This might be relating to care of baby, household chores and paid work. Aim to both have the same amount of ‘free’ time."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"0286d3d4d02b","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"731fb60985aa","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Be gentle and kind to each other."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"9e82a24f75ea","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"be7fee5a23c8","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Remember you are both tired and adjusting to change."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"7d899d806b5f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"dc6147158ee4","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Sometimes you and your partner may have conflicting needs. "}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"f346668b2955","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"66d0998ec2ab","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"It’s good to discuss ways you can both have your needs met. A common source of daily relationship stress for couples is both needing a break around dinnertime, after arriving home from work or parenting all day. Chat to your partner and negotiate time together, and time out for essential self-care."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"6cc7f4d1acc9","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"ad6f379a518c","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Take breaks from each other."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"c0306a96d412","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"b928b8c6b01f","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Go for a walk, speak to a friend, listen to a podcast."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"319bd8c83b5f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"2ba338d57c6f","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Build your community of care."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"70c5958ea681","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"3cf9123912df","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"This might include family, friends, maternal child health nurse, doctor, new parents group."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"31a02955d6c0","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"0d7a44058121","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Be on the same page when it comes to caring for your baby."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"f0c96c22b963","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"87e23472f713","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"For example, you could write down agreed instructions for things like bedtime routine or bottle preparation so you both feel confident and competent caring for your baby."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"477ec42d7b60","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"e5decb7a04f3","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Seek help."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"2348cb7e2fde","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"c42111f965dc","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Couples counselling, parenting groups and courses, individual counselling for one or both partners."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"ceaf232f9066","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"91bfb31468b0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Work with your partner as a team."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"b22e3a4b4d0e","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"4844357c7419","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Address issues and find solutions together, like visiting maternal child health appointments as a family."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]}]},{"_key":"2608459e7518","_type":"faqBlock","include":null,"title":"Helpful communication techniques during discussions","noNumbers":true,"text":null,"questions":[{"question":[{"_key":"17f2ffc41530","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"f92bc69a6ab3","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Timing is everything"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"b27f6426451f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"93e6635a9766","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"If you or your partner are feeling distressed and frustrated, any conversation you need to have may be de-railed by strong emotions. It’s better to make (and take) some time to de-stress before you tackle any tricky topics together."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"2c1a98f0c06d","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"dd74d3894b30","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Use \"I\" statements"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"302770e2f70f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"c29a409f8501","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Like ‘I think… I imagine… I hope… I prefer… I feel...’ rather than statements that are likely to make your partner feel defensive like ‘You think that…You make me feel...’"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"269f66e55096","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"82f3bd02a271","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Communicate what you really need, and hope for"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"2160081c32bc","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"0a523e19c43a","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Help your partner to understand what ‘support’ looks like for you – it means different things to different people."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"958b035d2096","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"f5617f9e6f7d","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Active listening"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"0487175d562f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"da6346a859d2","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Make eye contact, express empathy, ask questions to clarify, validate your partner’s thoughts and feelings, and make supportive statements to show your understanding. "}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"222051dff02d","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"ad3b8855ba82","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Talk to each other with kindness, respect and compassion."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":null},{"question":[{"_key":"e4c2b025aced","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"970edd46da70","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Remember that all viewpoints are valid"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"2ac6c4f46da3","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"607213b9e740","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Your partner may have different beliefs, views and values to you, and it’s important to respect each other’s opinions. In a healthy relationship, there’s always room for differences."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"9c9b2519992f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"026b30cc0abc","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Focus the conversation on the problem, not the person"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"3d44f0b370d8","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"b9f38ee2bc5c","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Avoid blame or critical communication. For example, instead of blaming your partner for not putting baby’s nappy on properly, support each other to different ways of securing the nappy to avoid leaks."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]},{"question":[{"_key":"cf1a5b39c5cd","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"db91eaf682ab","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"If there’s conflict or tempers flare"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"answer":[{"_key":"41c2110a5378","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"3923450fde5b","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Agree to take breaks to disrupt any escalating tension. Re-approach the conversation when you’re both in a calmer state and able to listen to each other. "}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"d96cebeda7e1","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"2041837144f7","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"If couple conflict feels unsafe for you, support is available: "},{"_key":"1bee302e864b","_type":"span","marks":["ba9270fb039b"],"text":"Healthy Relationships | 1800RESPECT"}],"markDefs":[{"_key":"ba9270fb039b","_type":"link","blank":true,"href":"https://www.1800respect.org.au/healthy-relationships","linkType":"external","url":"https://www.1800respect.org.au/healthy-relationships"}],"style":"normal"}]}]},{"_key":"40c679982e97","_type":"freeText","include":null,"eyebrow":null,"text":[{"_key":"d355d77ebbb5","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"c261add7f1f4","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Relationship support 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wife.\""}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"af3688ae039a","_type":"button","link":{"_type":"link","blank":true,"document":{"_id":"52358081-fb2e-49c4-919e-df363527e90e","_type":"story","_rev":"KQnWaIe0z6jRIt7yNjYq5l","_createdAt":"2023-09-05T02:42:26Z","_updatedAt":"2023-09-11T01:33:01Z","categories":[{"_key":"24083eb0456b","_ref":"f72ed5fd-4128-46cf-b3ca-bdf1ed7b9837","_type":"reference"},{"_key":"3644f04557ba","_ref":"b84de418-c2a8-4c44-b6ef-628f8a1ce593","_type":"reference"},{"_key":"bfd1868938d3","_ref":"c4172819-1756-470d-8628-b5ffa921681e","_type":"reference"}],"content":[{"_key":"bc5999dffc7c","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"8629bdf634080","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"I'm 36 years old and moved to Adelaide from New Zealand six years ago to be with my wife. In 2019, our daughter was born."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"e4563b76705e","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"c974eb9c97210","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"One of the biggest challenges for me during the perinatal period was communicating with my wife. While my expectations of parenthood largely lined up with the reality we faced, it was learning how I could best support my wife that was surprising and difficult."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"06337670112f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"a5e95bf628cb0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Usually for new parents the nights are the hardest part, but for me it was going to work in the morning. Every day was extremely stressful being away from my family while my wife was at home learning how to be a parent, and I tried to provide reassurance over the phone. I began to dread every text that arrived because I was confused and uncertain about what to say or do to help."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"a453f059e9fc","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"bb74284cffb50","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"While our daughter was healthy and thriving, my wife struggled during the postnatal period. I needed to learn how to communicate better with her. I didn't know what to say or do to help. Initially, I just flipped straight into the \"problem-solving\" mode and tried to suggest ways for her to fix things but that wasn't what she needed. I found it difficult to understand what she did need. Often it was just to be listened to (which I found intensely frustrating). Sometimes I just had no idea what to say. I felt utterly useless and helpless."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"84ac12e34ec5","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"3397a64961950","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Stressing about my family at home while I was at work during the day started taking a toll on my mental health. I felt like I couldn't talk to my wife about it because I didn't want to impact on her. So, I got in touch with a men's helpline to talk a few things through and researched some fatherhood websites for strategies. I took on as much housework as I could, and we called for backup: her mum, our child and family health nurse, and our GP."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"e9438d4ff942","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"5c8e0acf599d0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"It didn't improve right away, but at least I felt like I had made things slightly easier for us and that I was in control of the situation a little more. 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