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    "result": {"data":{"sanityStory":{"title":"David’s story: Parenting as a neurodivergent dad ","_type":"story","datePublished":"8 February 2024","header":{"background":{"value":"#86DECF"},"headline":"David’s story: Parenting as a neurodivergent dad ","text":[{"_key":"7feacbbda3fa","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"8ad1c15625f40","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"\"Neurodivergent parents should not underestimate how their differences can enrich a baby’s world.\""}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}],"image":{"asset":{"_id":"image-8bb13545e9b43f7971134da3440fd96e8bec32af-2500x1667-jpg"},"crop":null,"hotspot":null,"alt":"Dad and baby trying to walk"}},"content":[{"_key":"3f1c665a32bf","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"67189923cb790","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"My wife and I have been together since meeting at art school and are both employed in professional roles. We have an eleven-year-old daughter, and she is our only child. We are a creative and caring family who like to travel and spend time in the garden together."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"fd7d0886d4a6","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"272decddcebc0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"I am an autistic person who has always had to be careful when it comes to mental health challenges, specifically anxiety. I can get very overwhelmed when fatigued and have high self-expectations that exacerbate this, which peaked during my transition into parenthood."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"1058ae8f73a5","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"8557ff7a53210","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Preparing for parenthood"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"h4"},{"_key":"f49e9b5ab623","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"d58a51ce3d0a0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"I was very excited about being a dad and understood myself to be one from the moment we knew we were pregnant. Yet, I was worried about how my new responsibilities would interact with my idiosyncrasies. Overthinking has always been my default survival strategy, which is why I spent a lot of the perinatal period ruminating about hypothetical parenting scenarios."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"fc608c3e988c","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"d78a3f0a43f00","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Our best option was for me to work one day per week and care for my daughter at home when my wife returned to fulltime work. I could not have guessed how amazing it would be to witness a baby seeing a fly for the first time, to hear her first laugh, her first words, to see her squealing with joy in a baby swing secured to a Hills Hoist clothesline."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"6f074a16f47d","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"d25e16f2e74d0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"My partner and I are a good team, which helped greatly during the perinatal period. She has a much greater tolerance for uncertainty than I do and has always been a trusted source of reassurance and level-headedness."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"939f08ca2adb","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"12e7ec8787070","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Parenthood as a neurodivergent dad"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"h4"},{"_key":"3fe044e3a8b0","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"0eb7e68426950","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"In some ways, my strict adherence to routine tasks helped me be a consistent and reliable parent from the outset. I was meticulous with my daughter’s feeding schedule while my partner was at work and always kept her clean. I dealt with the vomit and excrement cleanups by focusing on the measurable steps of each task."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"1a5b9fa324be","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"1668722f140b0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"For me, the biggest challenge was getting used to having my routines and my self-expectations reshaped by a little person. I tend to over-focus on minor details and lose sight of the big picture, and so it was important to keep reminding myself that being a good parent wouldn’t require me to be a perfect parent. "}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"c3b944c66c6e","_type":"quote","quote":"It was more important that my daughter stay safe, loved, and fed, and not whether her blanket was tucked in on both sides."},{"_key":"372fb8cefc35","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"f3536c837db70","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"The vertical transition into parenthood led me to become more aware of my own idiosyncrasies and how different my needs were to my daughter’s needs. I knew it was important to make eye contact with my daughter even though I tend to avoid eye contact with others. I became more conscious of, and sometimes worried about, my tendency to engage in self-talk when I knew my daughter was in earshot."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"13ff5c22015b","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"4473cd2b25b70","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Seeking help"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"h4"},{"_key":"3234c2cf9489","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"883abb1c8d0b0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"My primary source of support was my wife because her perspective was most relevant to my own situation, and I trusted her the most."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"dd12067a315a","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"ff0ff1da1c050","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"I did not reach out for help when I was tired, anxious, and overwhelmed, even though that could have helped a lot. With all that I heard about mother’s groups, on reflection, I might have benefitted from being connected to other parents if I knew that they were autistic dads. In any case, I preferred to avoid support options that conflicted with my social interaction challenges; the idea of sharing personal stories with dad-strangers in an unfamiliar physical environment seemed more like multi-layered torture than informal peer support."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"23d7ace9ccc0","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"e2fb8f9b85990","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Self-care"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"h4"},{"_key":"eb61e81f6791","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"3a4b7632845b0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"My ability to hyper-focus on tasks means that I usually forget to stand up from the desk and stretch my legs. So, self-care is something I need to set an alarm for. I take a short break every 60-70 minutes for 5-10 minutes to go outside and look at the garden or give my dog a pat."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"5fd9637e4f4d","_type":"quote","quote":"I feel much better when I’ve gone for a walk while listening to music or podcasts through my noise-cancelling headphones."},{"_key":"0e8bdb1bc796","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"730a073e92d90","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"A message to other neurodivergent parents"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"h4"},{"_key":"016b861397e7","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"c243237bc2d50","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Parenting is an ever-evolving learning experience because your child is constantly growing. It can be reassuring to know that many of the challenges we face today will not exist forever."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"311f13efc929","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"82a24e4f47710","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Although parenting requires a level of flexibility that some autistic people find challenging, learning to be a good parent does not mean having to mask autistic traits, especially at home around your child or children. Children that engage with authentic adults will have a better chance of growing up to be authentic adults."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"3caade191f97","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"13a6d30fbe350","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"It is common for autistic people to liken their experience of the world to that of an alien without a social script. As with other neurodivergent people, autistic people have firsthand insight into, and appreciation for, non-standard ways of sensing and interpreting the world. I think that autistic lived experience can be a wonderful foundation on which to raise open-minded and empathetic individuals. 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